Social workers, lawyers, and adoption agencies could all be involved in adopting an older child. But yeah OP needs to sort her shit out and raise that child. Is it more likely that people just using this excuse to make themselves seem non-childfree when they are? I would love to ask you a few questions about adopting as a CF person. Or do they end up giving into pressure and just having a biological child? Also that all bio moms were coerced and tricked into giving up their child. Giving up an older child for adoption in Iowa is a complicated process, but it can be done. We weren't ready for another child so we had a termination at 15 weeks. Often, you make this decision during a very emotional and difficult time. You don’t have to give up on anyone. Today, I'm preparing to meet with Jennifer to talk about her adoption options for her unplanned pregnancy. Yeah. Favorite Answer. I put a baby up for adoption almost 2 years ago. Share; LC. After the age of about four the focus goes on to temporary, not permanent, removal from the family, so the child goes into foster care or a care home. I just can't bear the thought of how many teens age out of the system with no one to rely on. You must be part of the adoption process and sign any legal documents required to make the adoption legal. Children Waiting for Adoption + ADD CHILDREN. With A Child’s Hope, you can take control of your life and make a proactive plan for your child to have a wonderful life. OMG! To uproot that and attempt to enter him or her into a new home would most likely require specialized counseling, education and training. Because it IS an alternative. But when your child is born, if you are an unwed mother, then the only morally defensible thing to do is to give the child up for adoption. Ultimately, she lived with my friend and her life (the kid's) improved and she responded well to the situation and ultimately wanted to remain with my friend. If, on the other hand, you are wondering how to “give your older child up” for adoption past the age of 4 or so, you should reach out to a local attorney for more information on the options available in your specific situation. They don't even want a baby. Gladney understands the unique challenges you may face daily as you care for your child. I don't know the entire situation but friend adopted her and she's lived with her since, I think she's 14 or so now. Does that count as older? 1 decade ago. :( I'm sorry that happened to you. save. And if you give this kid up, it's not going to magically fix your already broken marriage. First choice is always family or friends of family, so if a 10 year old child comes into care that means there is absolutely no-one in their circle willing to take them short-term. But I think deep down we all know things are in disarray now. if you don’t understand, it’s really easy: contraception fails. What advice would you give to a woman who has no desire to meet the biological child she gave up for adoption. If you want your comment to count toward judgment, include ONE of the following abbreviations in your comment. I don't know the details, but I do know it wasn't an easy process. i don’t really have much to say to the OP though because the situation is somewhat surreal. And there's always people lined up to adopt so she'd probably go to someone else quickly. Not only that, but maybe our marriage would repair itself, our daughter can have a better undivided life, and we can continue on our original path of just having one child. It’s your fault for thinking a child, a little person, was some magic fix it button for your problems. Call our firm today at 319-291-6161 to get started. I think the girl was 9-10 at the time. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I'd say ESH at least. It’s your fault for letting yourself be manipulated. There are reasons it's rare. But no matter what challenges you are facing, it is important to always keep your child… If you plan to give an older child up for adoption, you are likely facing difficult circumstances, and you may feel like you do not have control of your current life situation. I know a couple who adopted a three year old out of foster care, if that counts as older. I really love this response! The result of bad decision is regret. Hospital Adoption: Giving Baby Up at the Hospital Can You Put a Baby Up for Adoption After You Take it Home? It is really difficult because sometimes the state pulls the children from custody of the parents but is still adamant on "parental interaction. My son was 9 months old when my husband told me he was gay and left me. She was 11 when we met her and 12 when she moved in with us. If it matters, we're both 25 and 26. They determined our sociopath schizphrenic son was “safe” to come home as the oldest and biggest of our children. I mean the family sounds all kinds of fucked up. 3 years later I met a guy and got pregnant the same night I met him (it had been a while since I'd had sex and I was drunk). To make things short, we had our second child, a son, and my family completely left our lives. With so many babies and children … They are utterly useless. FWIW it's not about money or time, it's about stress and our desire to be a simple family. Myth: Putting your baby up for adoption is bad for them. I've been in social care 20+ years and NEVER seen anyone come in and say "We want to adopt, but we want an older child". Keep in mind that your child already has a life, and this would mean creating a new one. My husband works full time and I had to relent to becoming a SAHM because we have no support system anymore. Children may act younger than their chronological age. I have serious back problems i cant work i have 2 kids ages 6 and 2. Definitely just a tactic in my case. Press J to jump to the feed. can you give an older child up for adoption? In a lot of my discussions about being childfree, I have had so many people say that they want to wait a while and adopt an older child. Even if she doesn't actually have memories of that baby when she's older, it's still going to fuck up her psyche. Surely ESH! We told no one because my family is fairly anti-abortion. My mother flat out told me it's the right thing to do and she'd babysit whenever we wanted because she's retired. It is one that will affect both the child… Still, many people think of teenagers when they think of older children awaiting placement. And by putting a child up for adoption, you are doing exactly that — taking control of your situation and providing your child with the type of life you want him or her to have, no matter how difficult it is for you. A plan can also be made for women who are looking at p lacing an older child for adoption. A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. And, one of the most important pre-adoption projects is to convince yourself that, “Yes, it WILL happen to me.” Some older child adoptive parents may deal with developmental delays and challenges. :) It sounds like you raised an excellent young adult. There's a lot of not well informed commentary on this sub about foster care and adoption. Adopting older children is more difficult. The love you have for your child is immense – so immense, in fact, that you have started thinking about making one of the most difficult decisions of your life. This is an important legal step: Once a parent relinquishes their rights, the legal relationship between birth parent and child is severed. Thank you for such an informed comment. No hormones will help to cope with everyday challenges. Adoption. The only person I told, and this was a mistake in retrospect, was my sister. Relevance. It's usually a pile of crud. Before you guys do anything, get some counselling. Straight from a third party uterus and into their arms. My aunt and uncle have adopted four children from Central America, but they are super-conservative Christians and (like many in their congregation) hold some icky colonial attitudes, like those Baptists who basically kidnapped Haitian kids after the earthquake a few years ago without even checking to see if they were actually orphans. Individual counseling and couples counseling. I am a mother that gave my daughter Emily up for adoption in 1985. And before you judge why I had a child in the first place know this. Some people claim that I simply made my choice out of grief, and I get why they think that. As you are considering adoption for your older child, keep in mind that you can contact an adoption professional without any obligation to proceed with an adoption plan. You probably searched for something along the lines of “giving an older child up for adoption” to find this article, but what you’re doing is trying to make a really thoughtful plan for your child that will ensure him or her provision and protection in a way you cannot currently provide. I don't want to raise a child from babyhood. You need to think clearly and not allow others to pressure you into a decision. This can accomplished by going through an adoption agency or by matching up with adoptive parents during pregnancy and conducting interviews to choose a family for your child. Besides, if biological parents are alive, they may still be present in the child's life this way or other, and they may not be the people one would like to associate with, but will have to because of the child and for the child's sake. One of the biggest reasons for women specifically is mostly not having a biological child and not wanting to hurt/ruin their body. They are not helping me at all I've just been going from one shelter to the next. :-). I'm not interested in being interrogated about why I don't want children AT ALL, so I throw this in as an alternative. Why Consider Older Child Adoption? I had a 1 year old and lived in a homeless shelter. Whether an independent or agency adoption, birth parents must give up their parental rights in order to go through with an adoption. … We provided that and we feel good about it. TL;DR Never seen anyone want to adopt an older child, and in England is virtually impossible to do anyway. No one would help. Sort by. There’s nothing “bad” about giving a child up for adoption if you’ve seriously thought through your options and chosen this path. Is It Possible to Give an Older Child Up for Adoption? Can they give up the daughter, too? YTA for having this child to begin with. "Childfree" refers to those who do not have and do not ever want children (whether biological, adopted, or otherwise). The North American Council on Adoptable Children pegs the number of youth who age out of foster care at approximately 20,000 a … report. If you have questions like, “Can I place a special needs baby up for adoption?” or “Can I place a sick baby up for adoption?” know that you aren’t alone. My husband is conflicted and said to give him a few months to work on us and if we can make it work, he'd like to keep both children as he loves them both. A former colleague of mine who was biologically unable to have children adopted a kid weeks before primary school age (6-ish, I guess). The people I know who have adopted an older child (10 and up) already had biological kids. I despise their political and religious views but believe they really are good people. I broached the topic to my husband of maybe putting our son up for adoption, so he can be raised in a better household. You don’t. The choice to give my child up for adoption was a simple one. Meet the children in foster care who are ready for adoption! Nothing about this story and nothing done by any of the characters in it is ok. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the AmItheAsshole community. But it is going to seriously fuck up your 2.5 year old. But no matter what challenges you are facing, it is important to always keep your child’s safety and wellbeing in mind. I know a few who have adopted 2-6 year old children when they were unable to have biological children and adopting a baby wasn't happening. Maybe his parents loved him and gave him up for his own good, or maybe they died. There are some caveats to adopting this way: in some states, prospective parents have to become qualified as foster parents (this is different than applying for adoption through an agency) and many, if not most, foster kids aren't actually available for adoption. Answer Save. Even in these few comments, there's stories of predatory, abusive foster parents taking them in when they didn't have anyone else. I have seen long term foster care for older children. Generally, the older a child is the more difficult they are to foster. "Mommy and Daddy got rid of brother. My support system went to zero in a matter of weeks. You have begun thinking about placing your toddler or older child for adoption. 14 Answers. He doesn't deserve her. My biggest regret is not leaving when I was younger but when you're a kid you feel like you have no choice. I cant work it takes years to get disability. How would I go about this in the best way of telling her my recent decision. And, one of the most important pre-adoption projects is to convince yourself that, “Yes, it WILL happen to me.” Some older child … Best decision in the world I ever made. My husband and I are considering adopting an older kid in the future (waaaaay in the future) and if we do we plan on going in to it with realistic expectations. Exactly this. Alanna, 5 yr. from Taiwan. Who was understanding at the time but I guess she flat out told my mother. But not surprisingly, i have very very few friends with kids of any type. That is so not true. I Want to Give My Unborn Child Up for Adoption It is Never Too Late to Give A Baby Up for Adoption How Fast Can I Place My Child for Adoption? 95% Upvoted . If I ever decide I want a child, this is how I want to do it. As far as I know, they had no connection to his birth family. All involved were U.S. citizens. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! This would be much worse if the kid was old enough to remember you, but if you’re so selfish and self absorbed (like my dad was) that you cannot be a parent, then please give this child a life and a family he deserves. Secondly, it is NOT your son’s fault that your family left and your marriage is rocky. My husband has said repeatedly: ‘If I knew then what I know now…NO!’ Yet, I’ve never seen a better father… ever. It’s hard for most people to comprehend that I, or any woman, could not want to be a mother. My husband has said repeatedly: ‘If I knew then what I know now…NO!’ Yet, I’ve never seen a better father… ever. level 1. The unreasonable part of me wanted to make it up to her, and the unreasonable course of action was to have another child. Every parent considering older child adoption needs to read, talk with other parents, and read some more. I know that a couple in my village adopted a pair of siblings, who I think were around 4 to 6 years old. AASK provides support for families in Arizona who are able to adopt kids who are in foster care. I have an electronic aquaintance who fostered a young teenager whom they eventually adopted. So basically had never lived in a stable home her entire life. Do you mind if I send a few questions to your inbox? Celebrities are ordinary humans, too, and sometimes ordinary humans need to give up their children for adoption. When I was older (11-12) I was constantly told that I was too old to be adopted again (bad situation) I felt hopeless and like I had no choice but to stay with the foster family I was with. Frankly, I just don’t understand how someone can become accidentally pregnant THREE times. It can be so frustrating and sad when no one will help. Truth: Adoption could give your child the life they deserve. People will also talk about not wanting to deal with the "messy" stage of children - the stickiness, the bodily fluids, etc. It’s your fault for choosing your family of origin over the family YOU CHOSE TO MAKE. I know maybe I should spend more time explaining myself, but it's my body and I don't need to defend my life decisions. 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