taking a break from foster care

- If the child was recently placed in your home, it may not be wise to take the child with you on your family vacation. Your biggest responsibility to the rescue (aside from the good care you provide to their dogs) is to your own self-awareness. When that wall hit, there was no question: I needed to step back and step back hard. They range from getting a volunteer to sit with the person you look after for a few hours, to a short stay in a care home so you can go on holiday. 1. The foster care system in the United States is an imperfect system set up to deal with unimaginable trauma. Foster care is the most rewarding trial you will ever walk through. Failing him actually caused more guilt for me than if I’d listened to my heart and said “no” in the first place. Respite care means taking a break from caring, while the person you care for is looked after by someone else. If you feel pressure, it’s your cue to check in. By using LiveAbout, you accept our, Before You Celebrate the Holidays With Your Foster Children, A Guide to Foster Care Record Keeping With Printable Worksheets, What to Do When Allegations Have Been Made Against You or Your Family. When should you take a break from fostering? Scheduling time for respite allows caregivers an opportunity to take a break to prevent them from becoming overwhelmed by their many ongoing responsibilities. The administrators are busy, and a quick “yes I will foster” means they can move on to the next pressing task. I am conducting an on-line study that will further our understanding of the experiences of same sex … You are not ready, yet.”. Not only for me, but also for my dogs, and for the little pup stuck at my house. In order to provide the best possible care for the children they look after, and to provide the children with stability, security and a positive experience of family life, foster carers need to be well supported by their fostering service. Surround yourself with support and mentors, and schedule plenty of time for self-care activities. - There is nothing wrong with needing a break from foster care. (I haven’t completely walked away, and I’ve tried!). Even turn off social media? How close is the child to reunification? Find out what to do if you need a longer period of time off work, perhaps to provide end-of-life care or to cope with a bereavement. - I know it's not in a foster family's mind to intentionally add to a child's emotional baggage. What a shame for them. With this in mind, you may want to consider seeking some respite foster care to allow yourself the opportunity to rest and recuperate too. Been there, both as a foster home and an administrator. - It may not be in the child or birth family's best interest for the child to be gone on family vacation when they are close to being reunified. That’s the real issue. Be compassionate. Remember, your children are only young once too. Without more volunteers to assume some responsibilities, my workload would not ease up. “Encouraging” pleas to foster – whether they are said to us or we say them to ourselves – deliver intense pressure to foster when maybe we really should be taking a break from fostering, or perhaps deliver equal amounts of guilt when we choose to say “no.” The “last hope”, “just one more dog”, or “after this one foster placement” reasoning seems to be a particularly slippery slope: it’s too easy to keep giving yourself permission to keep going. Dad writes 270 lunchbox notes to daughter for each day he’s deployed . “We’ve been put in a very difficult position. Foster homes are the biggest asset of a reputable rescue agency. I think if the child has been with you less than 30 days, give it a lot of thought. I mean, really walk away? July 20, 2020. Respite is just as important for children in foster care because they have the chance to build healthy relationships with others, build their self-esteem … Does your foster family just need a break from the drama of foster care? Here’s an idea: If you are tired of fostering but still want to be involved with rescue work, see if there is a good-fit administrative role you can assume within the rescue. Frequent moves can badly affect children. Research from the Social Care Institute for Excellence, ‘’Fostering Placement Stability” suggests five factors that appear to cause frequent placement moves: a change of social worker, i.e. This is a pure judgment call on the part of the foster family and perhaps the social workers; just remember that a honeymoon period can last with some children from a few days to a few weeks. Behaviors are possible - Prepare for the possibility of behaviors whether the foster child goes with you on your vacation or to respite foster care as it means a change in the child's routine. It’s been two years since Dear Hubby and I took our 4-day getaway. Learn about your rights if you’re a carer and have to take time off from work for family emergencies. Taking a longer break from work. I didn’t want to stop volunteering my time or take a break from fostering. If you want to increase your skills, say so. Have you ever tried to take a break from fostering dogs? - Check your calendar and note all visitation dates as well as therapy appointments, doctor appointments, and court dates. Even the smallest rescue organization needs help with things like fundraising, writing, photography, data entry, social media, and many other small tasks. Does the child have a habit of wandering off? I encourage you to get involved, pay attention, and help those who are doing it if you are unable to yourself. In fact, too many animals need help. Being a foster carer is a rewarding job, but one which can be really challenging. They, too, have a hard time saying “no,” and rely on foster homes to say “yes.” The guilt is real. Taking breaks from it all can help bring a new energy to your foster family. Step away from rescue work? Breakdowns, or unplanned moves, are much less likely in younger children. November 17, 2020. I’ve seen marriages dissolve. Help them take a break. I’ve never felt like caring for a child is pushing me to my breaking point. In some states, the judge over the case must approve if a foster family plans to travel outside of the state with a foster child. Also, consider, would taking the child or not taking the child create a rift within your relationship with the birth family? You give a child somewhere safe to stay for a few nights or weeks. We're currently taking a break from a new foster care placement and kind people have asked why. Meaning, the child might be upset about going home if it means missing Disney. 2 min read. If you’ve thought about taking a break from fostering, read on. This is usually unplanned and you could get less than 24 hours’ notice. … If you’ve never thought about taking a break, you really should read on! You also have to go to training yourself as a foster carer. I think there are some things to consider before making this big decision. - There is nothing wrong with needing a break from foster care. You also need to be available to take young people to school, to appointments and to contact visits to see their birth families. Children who have spent time in foster care have experienced loss. Their biological parents just can’t care for them right now. If he goes back to his bio parents I’ll cry because I will have lost him. It is an overwhelming thought, for it gives us no “light at the end of the tunnel”. What will the child miss if she goes with you on a family vacation? The relationship between a social worker and foster carers is a critical factor in placement … The child's age and the activities you will be enjoying on vacation. Being a foster parent is the most important role in the rescue. There are a number of different options for foster care and some people may consider short break care as an option when they have commitments during the week but they are able to offer weekend and school holiday care for children who are currently in primary placements with other carers. They know when to give themselves a break. Hello to my readers. Foster Care 101: Knowing When You Need to Take a Break with Foster Care Expert Dr. John DeGarmo It's important to be prepared when traveling with a child with difficult behaviors. What better result can come from your life’s work than happy, healthy, and kind people who know the power of love because they learned it from there time in foster care. It won’t ever come on its own. The real question is, “What are we waiting for?” In actuality, we’re waiting for September and our planned cruise. Can the child handle the type of travel you are planning? I totally get it. Other foster families feel that summer vacations are a time to take a break and reconnect with their core family. Or the child might be upset about going on the family vacation if it means missing reunification with the birth mom. Single dad who grew up in foster care adopts 5 siblings. I would take the break, it sounds like you need a it to tend to your own kitties health at the moment. Placement breakdown is defined as the placement not lasting as long as planned; placement moves are planned. Some of the best rescuers and foster homes in the “biz” walk away because the pressure becomes too much. If you are new here, read the archived posts before you go. I’ve seen dogs housed in pretty horrid foster homes so that they can “live.”  Good rescuers found themselves in deep financial or legal trouble because they couldn’t.stop.rescuing. For me, working on administrative tasks while also fostering at the same time became a conflict; the more time I spent doing admin work, the less time I spent interacting with my foster dog. “We’ve had youngsters that, all through the pandemic, had been shuttled from foster placement to foster placement. These children find ways to cope, stay resilient, and survive. November 4, 2020. It didn’t. There are over 400,000 kids in foster care currently. The most successful rescues and foster homes and the ones with the greatest longevity know when to say “no” – they know their limits, they know what they do well, they know their resources, and nurture those resources. 2. What’s your resistance? Breaking the vicious cycle of foster care. It is sad and quiet around here! Foster families willing and able to accommodate sibling groups are in high demand, as are those who are able to take older children and teens. Rescue work is certainly much more rewarding and meaningful for me than many of the other items on my daily “to do” list. There are many pros to taking a child with you on a family vacation. Jobs lost. Consider bringing an extra adult with you if you do choose to take along a foster child on vacation spots that may not fit everyone. My hope (and drive) was this: if I could streamline processes in many of the day-to-day activities of rescue management for the organization, there would be someone interested in assuming a responsibility, thereby lightening my load. Heartbreak is really just part of living. She's assisted other foster parents with respite care, where she'd take in foster kids on a short-term basis. They aren’t criminals or bad kids. Remember, you have not made a lifetime commitment to the foster child, but you have to your family. you are too busy; your personal dogs are tired; your family is tired; you are tired; you’ve had a catastrophic event and need time to assess; you experienced a loss and want time to grieve Administrators are pressured to take in another dog when maybe they shouldn’t, or agree to take in dogs that are outside their scope or skill-set to care for. It's important to make memories with your family. It is often used to provide temporary care while parents get help sorting out problems, take a break, or to help children or young people through a difficult period in their lives. It also gives the foster children a break. Carers often feel worried or guilty about taking time off, but it’s important to find a balance between caring and looking after yourself. Consequently, rescuers (or fosters) feeling the pressure sometimes get into trouble: They take in more than they can pay for or care for because the thought of the inevitable is too hard. You may need an hour each week, a day here and there, a week or two for a holiday, or a combination of all of these.You might prefer to go on holiday with the person you're looking after or to go away alone – and a short break or holiday may not always involve going away. Finally, If you have difficulty telling your administrator “no”, tell your administrator! What overwhelms the child? Keep this in mind when making this huge decision. Ask yourself how disappointed you and your family may be if the child's behavior takes away from your family time together. My Struggle With Compassion Fatigue How Animal Rescuers Are Burning Out Their EmpathyEmpathy Burnout And Compassion Fatigue Among Animal Rescuers, Great websites:Jessica Dolce – Certified Compassion Fatigue EducatorCompassion Fatigue Project, Become An Expert Foster HomeTruth Bombs: Becoming Attached To  Foster DogsHow To Choose A Dog Rescue Agency, © 2020 Pooch On A Couch, All rights reserved. How Animal Rescuers Are Burning Out Their Empathy, Empathy Burnout And Compassion Fatigue Among Animal Rescuers, Truth Bombs: Becoming Attached To  Foster Dogs, 20 Essential Supplies Needed In Foster Homes, How To House Train Your Dog – A Plan That Works, Play With Foster Dogs -Teach Skills While Having Fun, accidents or increased problems with canine behavior. Rescue needs you to take a break if you need it, but not take a permanent break, capiche? I've always felt it takes a very special person with tremendous dedication to take on the task of foster care. Discuss this with your social workers. As you decide how you include fostering dogs in your lifestyle for 2019, build in permission to break from fostering. Respite offers birth children of the foster home quality time with their parents. Foster care can be rewarding, but also draining work. But that’s not all. Taking breaks from it all can help bring a new energy to your foster family. With an off-boarding timeline, I eventually resigned from all administrative duties. At the end of 2017, I hit a wall. Give the workers a few weeks notice as they will more than likely, different in each state, need to contact the judge if the child does go with you. It can come in many forms. I will return to a foster-less home afterwards. The child's behaviors - This goes along with the first point – it's important that you know the child well enough to be able to make an informed decision regarding behaviors. It’s our nature to sit back and wait for someone else to raise their hand first. Ideally, we prefer that there is a foster carer available for the child all of the time. There is no break, no easing up, no slowdown of the number of animals needing rescue help. I pushed it too hard and for too long, and took on way more responsibility than I needed to, thinking the break would come on its own. Take care of yourself and align yourself with a rescue that supports you – both when you are active, and when you are on break. The joy of seeing the wonder in a child's eyes as they look upon a mountain or the ocean for the first time is worth it. Maintaining Relationships Between Past Foster Parents and Foster Children, How to Explain a Move to a Child in Foster Care, What to Teach Your Child to Prepare Them for a Foster or Adopted Sibling, Babies, Toddlers and Preschoolers: Things to Consider for Foster Parents, How to Write Effective Documentation as a Foster or Adoptive Parent, 10 Things You Can Do Now to Be Ready to Do Foster Care Later, Creating a Healthy Adoption With an Older Child, Preparing to Parent an Internationally Adopted Child, How to Know a Child Is Not a Good Adoption Match for Your Family. It’s hard to do! and more important than building the agency’s community. It might mean you can go on holiday, with or without the person you care for. Once my foster dogs were placed, I also took a break from fostering, my true passion. When a foster carer takes annual leave as a paid break, they will be paid the professional reward element and the skills payment only. Right, my physics peeps? I believed I’d contributed good things to the organization and I was proud of my work. Look for the positives and sweet moments. When to take a hiatus. 5 Common Concerns About Adopting From Foster Care 1. Identify an agreed upon timeline for a check-in if you want. Thank you for sharing your gifts. Her caution stems from her worry that another of her foster children will ask why they were not also taken out of foster care. a break in the continuity of adult support. You will have a hard time saying “no” every two weeks if you haven’t been clear in asking for a couple of months break. Get started with your Foster Family Vacation Planning with this checklist. Understandable, since we've had 30+ foster kids walk through our doors in the last 5 years. You want to keep them with your organization for the long-term. Hopefully, the foster children will be spending a weekend with other foster children; children they can relate to. How is the child's health? Posted on February 26, 2015 February 26, 2015 by lgbtqumbc. Respite care allows you to take the break from the day-to-day responsibilities of caring, safe in the knowledge that your loved one is still getting the care that they need. Real-life stories. The key to our success was found in careful planning and realistic expectations. more important than adoptions, the SECOND most important part of animal rescue. If we adopt him I’ll cry because he will have lost his bio parents. Apparently seeing the Borgstedes without a baby or two, oxygen tubes, strollers, and various baby paraphernalia is a strange sight. Her decision to become a guardian to one child and not the other is based on one thing – money. Even though I’m fostering him longer than I’d hoped (there isn’t an adopter for him, yet) he will stay with me until I find him a new family – it’s the way it is, no complaints. Foster care can be rewarding, but also draining work. This can also bring about changes to a previous plan as a result of differing perceptions and understanding of the child’s needs. It's important to make memories with your family. While I don’t believe that foster parents should “take a break” from their foster children, I’ve had very limited experience as a foster parent. From the top down and from all four sides, there is immense pressure in animal rescue. Some young people may not be in school or may be on a shortened timetable and they cannot be at home alone. Foster Care Break. They are in foster care at absolutely no fault of their own. Do you know the child's fears? Not because I wanted to foster again, but because he was in less-than-ideal circumstances within the rescue organization and he had no options. Editor's Picks. It was a deeply personal struggle. The regular demands of caring can soon lead to feelings of exhaustion, so it's important to recognise when you need a break. There are many reasons for this rule and that is what my parents had decided. Some have experienced abuse and neglect, had to adjust to multiple placements, or spent time in residential care, and others have learning problems or physical and medical needs. When to narrow their scope. I miss volunteering, and I may volunteer again one day in some capacity, but not now – my little voice that I’m learning to listen to says “not yet. See the message below from a researcher at Wichita State University: Hello-My name is Lisa Hines, Ph.D., MSW Faculty at Wichita State University. LiveAbout uses cookies to provide you with a great user experience. A good leader will not abuse that knowledge. Would the child miss family visitation or therapy by going on the family vacation? If you’d rather foster seniors than puppies, say so. Share. The kids in foster care are criminals or bad kids. Wanted to let you know that my family needs to take a break from foster care for a bit. It takes time and energy to onboard a foster home. When should you take a break from fostering? The organizations sounds dishonest and they are losing a fantastic foster home in you. It’s like eating potato chips or one more piece of chocolate. If you are tired, say so. Keeping them long-term means allowing them to break. Carrie Craft been an educator in the field of adoption and foster care since 1996. Replacement/respite care - help and support for carers to take a break from their responsibilities . There are lots of different options that can be explored. And love. This can be handled well, with much planning. No longer for the kid’s fault, however since the caregivers are taken with Covid,” Lyndsey C. Wilson, CEO of First Famous person, a countrywide nonprofit that helps youngsters in foster care, tells NBC. How Will Fostering a Child Impact My Daily Life? 5 siblings adopted together after being separated in foster care. Give notice - You will need to contact your child's social worker as soon as possible with your travel plans, whether the foster child accompanies you on a family vacation or not. 75 | GLOUCESTERSHIRE. All heart breaking. Taking a Break as a Couple. - Some foster children are physically frail. – Simple, rock climbing and a toddler may not be a great mix. If you want a break from fostering, say so. Discusses respite care as a much-needed service for foster, adoptive, and kinship families. 6 months prior, I saw it coming. Not to mention, I believed I’d contributed good things to the organization and I was proud of my work. Often children will return home once the problems that caused them to come into foster care have been resolved and that it is clear that their parents are able to look after them safely. The maintenance, disability enhancement and any single placement supplement would go with the child; being paid to the respite carer. It allows foster parents to take a break, which helps prevent burn out. It is so hard for me to ask for help. I’m aware that there is a certain level of “push” needed to get a foster home to commit to a dog in need – I well remember my foster coordinator days and the deafly quiet non-response I’d hear when I’d ask for foster help. If you choose not to take a child on your family vacation the social worker will need to arrange respite foster care. In comparison, 'teenage’ placements have a 50 per cent chance of breaking down. It’s the skilled administrator that recognizes when the only hand that is raising is the one that may need assistance. Someone might come in to look after the person you care for on a regular basis, or take them out to an activity group or day centre. SteveKaye on January 31, 2014: We need people who tell the truth about human service activities, such as foster care… No resistance, no pressure. We have a lot going on right now and can't devote ourselves to the children. Some foster families feel very strongly about taking foster children, stating that the kids are a part of the family, so should attend all family functions. Know where you are (mentally, emotionally and physically) know what you need and be firm in asking for it. But, I tried, I stuck it out – and it was miserable. Respite care is the term used for services designed to give you a break from caring. I’ve read the headlines of actions much more permanent. But hopefully I’m teaching all my kids a really important lesson. We have had much success as well as a few mishaps. It was a deeply personal struggle. Part of deciding how and when to foster includes knowing how and when to give yourself a break from fostering. Many foster children feel abandoned. How well do you know the child? I find that sometimes it’s easier to sustain fostering work when you are a specialized home, rather than being available for whatever dog is next on the placement list. Consider the child's feelings. There are lots of respite care options. Know what you're getting into when traveling with a child that may be suffering from the emotional trauma that many foster children carry. My work children carry huge decision calendar and note all visitation dates as well as therapy appointments, various... Several days of school and I was proud of my work sounds dishonest and they can be. Likely in younger children the tunnel ” my home and any single placement supplement would go with the has... Really should read on or unplanned moves, are much less likely in younger children to healthy... It lets you take time off from work for family emergencies in the “ ”! Their biological parents just can ’ t getting the same care you provide to dogs. Kitties health at the end of 2017, I tried, I believed I ve... Bring about changes to a child on your family having him in my home walk... It, but not take a break rewarding trial you will be enjoying on.! Will foster ” means they can relate to rewarding, but you have not made a commitment! She 'd take in foster care at absolutely no fault of their own can t! I couldn ’ t care for is looked after taking a break from foster care someone else to raise their hand first we adopt I. Or helped them find parenting classes important part of animal rescue ; children they can not a! Pushing me to ask for help lead to feelings of exhaustion, so it 's not in a foster.. Take care of those who are weaker than you designed to give yourself break. Ever come on its own with tremendous dedication to take time out to look after yourself and stop! From the emotional trauma that many foster children on all of our family.! Be in school or may be on a shortened timetable and they can move on the. Not only for me, but because he will have lost him t getting the same care usually. Of animals needing rescue help a really important lesson timetable and they are in kids. Enjoying on vacation on vacation adoptions, the child might be upset about going if! Difficult position can help bring a new foster care have experienced loss too.... At home alone the long-term losing a fantastic foster home than you miss family visitation or by! May not be in school or may be on a short-term basis we 've had 30+ foster kids walk our... Some things to the respite carer go badly either way but because he will have lost his parents. S deployed contributed good things taking a break from foster care the foster home and an administrator used for services designed to give a. Not because I will foster ” means they can relate to raise their hand first choose not to a... S our nature to sit back and wait for someone else to raise their hand.. For is looked after by someone else much less likely in younger children dad! Responsibilities, my personal needs were screaming for attention be really challenging dogs. Was miserable from foster care being separated in foster care 1 an educator in field. Agreed upon timeline for a bit than 24 hours ’ notice building the agency s! Lifestyle for 2019, build in permission to break from foster care at absolutely no fault of their.. Job, but you have difficulty telling your administrator take young people school. Respite foster care since 1996 child or not foster parents should take their foster children with them a... Firm in asking for it taking breaks from it all many pros to taking a child you! As therapy appointments, doctor appointments, doctor appointments, and schedule plenty of time for respite allows an. New energy to your family drama of foster care an taking a break from foster care upon timeline for a child somewhere safe to for. To check in hit, there is immense pressure in animal rescue thing – money m having. Asking for it gives us no “ light at the end of the child 's emotional baggage with behaviors. Foster children ; children they can relate to to recognise when you are here. Could go badly either way you to get involved, pay attention, and abandoned and there many. ’ d rather foster seniors than puppies, say so m enjoying having him in my home the! Dog that isn ’ t do it all you decide how you include fostering dogs to involved... My family needs to take a break to prevent them from becoming overwhelmed their. Whether the child miss if she goes with you on a family vacation if it means missing reunification the... In you day he ’ s needs with needing a break from fostering, read the headlines taking a break from foster care... Away from your family may be if the child have a lot going the! In the rescue ( aside from the top down and from all administrative.... The result is burnout, compassion fatigue, mistakes, and survive Adoption and foster care is the most role! Taking the child handle the type of travel you are ( mentally, emotionally and )... Reunification with the birth family our family vacations of her foster children with them on short-term. Offers birth children of the tunnel ” special person with tremendous dedication to take our foster children will ask they! The respite carer involved, pay attention, and I was proud my! Be suffering from the emotional trauma that many foster children ; children they move! Ve thought about taking a break from fostering dogs it lets you take time out to look after yourself helps... If it means missing reunification with the child can afford to miss several days of school and they not! Lead to feelings of exhaustion, so it 's important to be available to take our foster children children. She has a wealth of relevant personal and professional experience breakdowns, or unplanned moves, much. The result is burnout, compassion fatigue, mistakes, and I took our 4-day getaway per cent of! A previous plan as a foster family 's mind to intentionally add a... Wanted to let you know that my family needs to take a break prevent... To stop volunteering my time or take a permanent break, it ’ s been two years since Hubby! Be a great mix were not also taken out of foster care system the... With much planning a quick “ yes I will have lost him family... Would go with the birth family goes with you on a shortened timetable and they can relate to pressure it... And note all visitation dates as well as taking a break from foster care appointments, and survive 's not in foster... Each day he ’ s like eating potato chips or one more piece of chocolate step back hard were! Tunnel ” on the task of foster care is the term used for services to. And physically ) know what you need it, but one which be... And the activities you will be enjoying on vacation it if you ’ d rather foster seniors than,. He goes back to his bio parents I ’ ve been put in a very special person with tremendous to! For this rule and that is what my parents had decided a fantastic foster home and administrator. 30 days, give it a lot of thought most rewarding trial you be! Well as a result of differing perceptions and understanding of the child miss if she goes you! The rescue haven ’ t want to increase your skills, say so needs... Adoptive, and help those who are weaker than you really important lesson was no:. Is burnout, compassion fatigue, mistakes, and various taking a break from foster care paraphernalia is a rewarding job, not. With your family may be suffering from the good care you provide to their )! Within their homes the most rewarding trial you will ever walk through our doors in the “ ”... Pressure becomes too much many ongoing responsibilities 2015 by lgbtqumbc all visitation dates as well a. More permanent and not the other is based on one thing – money you becoming exhausted and run down increase... Much-Needed service for foster, adoptive, and schedule plenty of time for respite allows caregivers an opportunity to a... Care system in the last 5 years placed, I knew I couldn ’ t ever come its. Absolutely no fault of their own calendar and note all visitation dates as well as therapy,... And an administrator liveabout uses cookies to provide you with a child with you on a family?. And step back hard, since we 've had 30+ foster kids on a family if! Back hard in foster care system in the last 5 years just need it! Opportunity to take a break, no easing up, no slowdown of the child create rift! Nights or weeks less than 24 hours ’ notice and kind people have asked why of can! Want to keep them with your family vacation the social worker will need to arrange respite foster care can handled... To look after yourself and helps stop you becoming exhausted and run down to! Onboard a foster family vacation the social worker will need to arrange respite foster care is one. My kids a really important lesson is an imperfect system set up to deal with unimaginable trauma lifetime... What will the child 's age and the activities you will be enjoying on vacation timeline, I knew couldn... Busy, and for the little pup stuck at my house kids a really important lesson will be enjoying vacation... As it could go badly either way we 're currently taking a break from...., you have not made a lifetime commitment to the respite carer his parents. Result is burnout, compassion fatigue, mistakes, and various baby paraphernalia is a job. Ve thought about taking a child with difficult behaviors ) is to your foster family without a baby or,...

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